I have just been warned off

 trying to visit the United States of America. Yes, seriously. I have been told I am not likely to be welcome there. 

I could get an Electronic System for Travel Authorization or ESTA. It would not be a problem for any other country which uses the system but apparently my name appears on so many documents in America I would be denied entry using an ESTA. I would be denied entry until they had sorted out whether I was some sort of spy or terrorist or something else. It would be funny if it was not so ridiculous.

Apart from the desire to see some good friends there I have no particular desire to go to America so it probably does not matter too much. I am sure there are some lovely places to visit. Some of their national parks look magnificent. There is undoubtedly some very interesting history, especially in some of the museums. I can live without it if I have to. 

All this came up because I am hoping to make a start on arrangements to go somewhere else. I need a holiday. It is something I have not been able to do anything about for far too many years. I have not been out of the state since 2002. Even on that occasion the Senior Cat and Middle Cat were with me. It was a short trip into the next state. We were still adjusting to life without "Mum" and I am not sure how much the trip really helped. 

Middle Cat has been on to me to actually go while I still can. I am all too well aware of what she means. I am a great deal less mobile than I once was. (I got pushed off a bus by a raging teenager in the city. It caused considerable damage and I have never fully recovered from it. Such things do not help when you already have a mobility issue.) Still I know I should try. 

I want to see my new grand-nephew in Singapore. As a "sleeping peacefully" newborn in arms he looks absolutely adorable. I want a cuddle! I want to visit friends in the UK. Some are people I have never physically met but there are still several very old friends who are now getting very old. Already I have lost several close friends - the sort of people I still corresponded with several times a year. I had done this ever since leaving London and not being able to see them again is something I have found hard. Yes, they may have been older but they were (with one or two exceptions) not really that old. I know if I do not go soon they will all be gone. 

I know going back will not be the same. Nothing is ever the same. London will have changed but I know it will still be the same in some ways. When someone posted a map showing the movement of the trains on the Underground or, as I know it, the Tube I could still pick out the relevant stations and know I would be able to get where I needed to go - except I doubt I could safely use it any more. I once knew the system intimately as I visited schools all over the network.  Still, it should be possible to work out efficient travel using it as a guide. 

"Does it really matter if you don't go Cat?" I was asked recently, "Wouldn't it be better to save the money for something you really need?"

It is not the sort of question you should ask me. I do feel guilty spending the money on myself. I know it is why that little nest egg in my English bank account is there but should I save it for the inevitable nursing home if I survive? I seem to have spent my entire life living on less than everyone around me - and working more hours than most people I know. Am I still being selfish? I hope not. I really do need to do something about getting an ESTA and using my passport before it runs out without having been used again.