Saturday, 19 February 2011

The Haggis Chronicles

are to be found in any number of places on the internet. To the best of my knowledge they have not yet appeared in book form, although they may well do so one day.
They are however a record of the species haggii, much beloved by many Scots and those of Scots ancestry. We treat haggii with respect, great respect.
There was a long (and highly academic) discussion about them on a clan list to which I belong. Sightings of haggii have now been made around the world. Dates are set for an annual "haggis hunt" - weather permitting this usually occurs around 25th January. (Should you not be familiar with this date in the Scottish Calendar, it is Burns Night.)
During the course of the early academic debate about haggii it became clear that there existed a little known Australian animal which was descended from it. The name gives no apparent clue unless you know the story.
In the early days of convict settlement a haggis was sentenced to transportation. His crime was nothing more than the fact he was a haggis but he was sentenced and sent off Downunder. All the way to Downunder he plotted and planned and, on arrival, he escaped. He dived into a small watercourse to avoid detection.
There he found another small, quivering animal. It was an odd looking creature but clearly harmless, at least to haggii. The haggis inquired politely what the creature was.
"I'm a plat."
"A plat?"
"I think so. I heard someone saying, 'plat' and then they started chasing me so I hid here. When they say 'plat' they attack you and kill you. There are not many of us left."
"I think they might mean 'please attack'. Some of them are very polite even when they are being violent."
"Oh, well I don't like it so I am going to go on hiding. What are you?"
"I'm a haggis. I lived in Scotland. The English did not like me so I was transported out here."
"Oh. Do you want some help? I do know the countryside a little."
"I was going to ask if you would like some help. I think I am big enough to help protect you."
The plat look at the haggis and the haggis looked at the plat. Then they both said, "Yes please" at exactly the same moment and it came out sounding more like "yp".
"Plat-yp-us - definitely," the haggis said.
And thus Downunder has a strange animal called a "platypus".
If you have a better explanation or something to add to the Haggis Chronicles please do. A young friend is doing research into them.


Talei said...

Haha! I hope your young friend find out more about this 'Haggii'? Nice play on platypus, I always wondered where that name came from.

Have a fab weekend. ;->

Anonymous said...

Yes, managed to get mud all over my hunting tartan in search of that wretched miscreant convict haggis Cat! Chris

catdownunder said...

The real explanation of the name is a good deal less interesting I fear!

Rachel Fenton said...

Was I not meant to eat them?