"He has been charged with aggravated sexual assault"

the voice at the other end of the phone told me. She was extremely upset.

Her neighbour, a man I know, is a good man. He is the sort of person who puts  his neighbour's bins out when they cannot do it themselves. He waters their gardens when they are on holiday and walks the dog for them when illness or injury prevents them doing it themselves. He goes to church on Sunday and helps with feeding the homeless during the week.

It is his son who has been charged. His son is a grown man. Contact between them has been limited, especially since early this year. He is usually the one who initiates contact.

I cannot begin to imagine what he is going through now. The very idea of sexual assault would be foreign to him. He is of the "old school", the sort of man who still opens doors, rises when a woman enters the room and does not sit until she does, who walks on the outside of the footpath and more. His late wife used to say how lucky she was, that he was the best of partners. He was devastated when she died. 

Yes, their son has caused trouble in the past. They supported him even while trying to get him to change. 

   "I don't know where we went wrong," he once told me when their son had to appear in the Magistrate's Court on a relatively minor charge. At that time he was almost sick with worry.

His son has been on a good behaviour bond - twice. He has had to do community service (and his father made sure he did do it). He has also had to pay fines and more. There has been nothing as serious as this though. This time it will not be the Magistrate's Court - and he is looking at prison time if he is found guilty.

And yes, I do wonder how a man brought up in the way I know he was brought up, whose three siblings are all hard working and decent citizens, could be like this. They all went to the same schools and had the same opportunities. Neighbours say he was treated no differently. I have had brief contact with two of his siblings over the years. They were friendly, pleasant people. He was polite enough but, as the neighbour who called me said, "You always felt he wasn't really interested  in anyone but himself."

If he is found guilty and serves a term then it will impact his entire family. I was relieved to hear my neighbour say of his father,

    "I wanted you to know because J..... is going to need our support."

Yes, he will. He has done a lot for other people. It is their turn to do something for him.  I suggested trying to treat him as normally as possible, to still invite him in to sit on the front verandah for "a cuppa" when they see him, still offer him excess from their gardens and so on. 

And, if and when he wants to talk, to keep quiet and listen.