Is "they" and "them" more important

than "he" and "she" and making sure the people who elected you to parliament are fed and housed?

It is almost unbelievable but state parliament has apparently sent out a message to local councils informing them of the need to change all their legislation into "gender neutral" language. Apparently even saying of a dog walker that the dog is "under his or her control" is no longer acceptable. It also has to be done at the expense of the local council.

Have you now taken that deep breath and let it out slowly? Right. Here we are in a situation where we are apparently going to cut back on rubbish collection to "save money". We are in a situation where some roads and footpaths are in urgent need of attention and where access for people with disabilities still has not been addressed. There are many other issues which need to be addressed too, important issues. 

Apparently all these things are less important than the pronoun problem. All those words which indicate "gender" apparently need to be wiped out. Why?

I have a number of "baby name" books in my personal library. I have never had a child. I have never named a baby. I am never likely to do either of those things. The reason for having them has been quite different.

I have often had contact with people who do not have given names with which I am familiar. They do not use "Christian" names as we once said in documents. I have actually needed to know what sex someone is so that I know how to address them - politely.  I could of course just do something like address them by the male honorific which appears to be appropriate from their location on the planet and that is not necessarily foolproof. I could also address them by what I guess is their given name and that is also problematic as well as being downright rude in many instances. 

I usually don't know the people I am corresponding with and I am never likely to meet them. Some of them hold positions of great respect in their own communities. They don't address me by my given name and I would not address them by theirs. I have been addressed by many names but it is only here that people address me by my given name without having had any previous contact with me. I almost always sign letters and documents with my initials. I do it in an effort to make people I don't know abusing my given name. Why should I have to put up with people failing to spell my name correctly, indeed not even getting it right, just because someone has decided that "clients" should be addressed by their given names? No, it isn't "friendly". It is rude. It is especially rude when they sign their letters something like "J.Jones" or "B.Smith" (and my apologies to all who are actually a Jones or a Smith) and I still don't know whether they are male or female, nor can I call them by their given name because they have not told me.

There are an increasing number of forms which do not give people the option to state how they wish to be addressed by strangers they have not met and are not likely to meet. We also have an increasing number of people from countries in the Middle East, in Africa and parts of Asia. Their names can be very different and their use of those names can also be very different. I make a point of finding out how to use their names.

It is a problem which keeps coming back to me. I recently met a man from Poland. He told me his name was "Mario". I thought that sounded a little strange and he must have guessed that from my expression because he added, "It's actually "Marius" but people here keep saying "Mario"."  We agreed I would call him "Marius" and he would use my given name too. We both smiled at the letter which had just arrived for me addressed "Doctor Doctor Professor" but we didn't laugh. The person writing it was being polite and correct in their culture. The idea of addressing me by my given name or as "Ms" would have shocked the writer of that letter. It is not the way they address people they do not know.

It is worth the effort of getting the spelling of names correct, the pronunciation correct and using the appropriate honorific. It's polite. "Friendly" isn't necessarily polite.