will shortly be run by a friend of mine. She lives with four males and has decided that the classes are essential to her sanity, if not theirs.
The first class will be in the difficult subject of identifying and understanding the use of doormats. These are the flat brown objects at the front and back doors of her home. In damp or raining weather you stand on these and rub the soles of your shoes or your football boots with a backwards and forwards motion. If you are wearing football boots you may only do this on the back mat. You must then remove your football boots (and the muddy football socks) in the laundry and replace them with the slippers which might be found in the pile of assorted footwear, footballs, basketballs, hockey sticks and lone golf club held together by fishing line.
The second class will be in the even more difficult subject of recognising and understanding the use of the laundry basket. In her home this is a large round cane object that sits by the door. It is intended as resting place for muddy football shorts, socks and guernseys. It will also accommodate all manner of other dirty clothing.
Unfortunately the use of this object is complicated by the fact that the object in question has a lid. It is necessary to remove the lid in order to practice throwing clothing into the basket. Additional training will be given in recognising the difference between the floor and the basket.
(Another complication is that males do not always recognise dirty clothing. Additional classes will therefore be held in recognising dirty clothing and removing it from the body.)
My friend thought she would start with these tasks before moving on to even more difficult and complex tasks.
I do not envy her. I will also be surprised if she succeeds.