an irate young cat. His whiskers are back and his tail is twitching crossly. How dare that ridiculous columnist in the paper compare him with a cushion and say he "lacks functionality". According to Pluto he is a being of higher order than any human.
Cats, according to Pluto, are superior beings. Humans should worship cats. Cats look down on people. People should look up to cats. Dogs should look up to people - and cats.
Cats, Pluto advises me, work hard. He acknowledges that there are some working dogs but many dogs do not work at all. They actually have to be trained to go for a walk - an exercise they are supposed to enjoy. Cats require no such training.
Journalists really need to be a little more careful about what they say about cats. Cats are advisers to politicians (unfortunately some politicians refuse to acknowledge the excellent advice given to them by cats and the consequences can be disastrous). Cats reside in places such as Number 10 and the White House and the Royal Courts of Thailand. Doors are opened for them. They are treated with respects in some places.
They have been paid for their services to the Royal Mail and been the heirs to great estates. They have been immortalised in literature, music and art. They have, rightly, been worshipped as gods in ancient times.
So, how dare some upstart journalist say they lack functionality? And how dare some scientists try to suggest that purring is only a sign of distress? How dare they suggest that cats never like to be stroked or cuddled. Why do cats sometimes seek a human lap or demand to be played with? Is the lap just for warmth? There are other warm places. Is the demand to be entertained not that at all but something else? What?
It is now my unfortunate task to try and comfort an angry cat.