Monday 19 February 2018

Revenge is a dish best served

cold - or perhaps not at all?
Last week I attended a very serious meeting. It was, I hope, the first and last time I will ever have to attend such a meeting.
The meeting was to decide how someone would make what reparation she could for the damage she had caused. She has harmed me and my reputation, a group and its relationships. 
To say the meeting was tense would be a gross understatement. It grew from a misunderstanding that could easily have been repaired by someone else. I didn't get any support then and I have still had none. I know I am unlikely to get any.
But, last week there was a meeting. It was informal but it was agreed at the outset that the perpetrator of the acts would abide by the decision the person who was mediating would make. 
He explained the nature of her offences and how I could, if I chose, take the whole thing to a formal court of law. That this would almost certainly result in a criminal conviction clearly shocked her. She had no idea. He pointed out the harm she had done the group and again that seemed to shock her. 
He asked her why she had done what she had done.  Revenge. It was for something she believed I had done. Did she have any proof? No. It was just what she thought. Did she still think that? No. So why had she gone on with her actions? She couldn't answer that.
Her behaviour has been more like that of a confused child than a reasonable adult. It seemed to have given her a sense of power over me.
And what did I want in return? I had thought long and hard about this. If I had wanted to do it I could have taken the matter up with the police. It had even been suggested I should do that. 
Yes, I was tempted - tempted to get my own back - but at what cost? It might well have irreparably harmed a group of people whom, for the most part, I like very much. I could have taken revenge for all the hurt, the harm, the time it has cost me. 
Perhaps I startled those present when I said, "I don't want anything. (She) has admitted what she has done. I think she should make some sort of reparation to (our group) and the fact that she won't be able to apologise to them without doing more harm is punishment enough."
The mediator accepted this. He suggested reparation in line with what would have happened if it had gone to court but there will be no criminal conviction involved, no public humiliation. She agreed. 
I've now signed an undertaking that this is an end to the matter.
It's enough. I prowled home slowly thinking that I could have taken revenge. But, revenge is a bitter dish and I don't care for the taste of it.


3 comments:

Jan Jones said...

I agree, Cat. Revenge escalates. You have to be true to your own lights. (((((hugs)))))

Anonymous said...

I hope those who do know something about the affair will appreciate your handling of it. Ros

Anonymous said...

I am sorry your reputation has suffered but you have responded in a thoughtful, well-judged way. I hope those who need to know DO learn the whole story.

LMcC