There were just eleven people at the funeral

I attended yesterday. It was by invitation only. There were just eleven of us. 

Would I have gone without an invitation, if it had been an open to all event? 

If I am honest then the answer is "no". The person being farewelled was a difficult, cantankerous, downright rude at times sort of person. I did not avoid him but I did not actively seek him out. He was simply there as one of the old people on my regular bike route. When he had to move into a nursing home I saw him only as one of the other residents when I went to visit people I thought of as friends. 

His children had long since moved to other parts of the world. They did not come back. I dealt with a few things for him but only at the request of his eldest son. His eldest son was polite about it, very polite. He was the one who gave me the invitation to attend.

"Dad wanted you there. He had no time for us. He called us "useless" when we moved away. He never forgave Mum for dying so early."

The eleven of us stood around the coffin. It was a cheap coffin, the cheapest there is. He had chosen it himself. He had chosen who would be there.  He had left the instructions to be given to his eldest son and his son had carried them out. His daughter and other son were there but no other family. There was the priest, a representative from the nursing home, three people from the funeral home, me and two former neighbours. 

I thought of the other funeral I had attended on the previous Friday. The church it was held in was full. Good things were said.

This time the priest did not seem sure what to say. Nobody else was asked to say anything. I wondered what I would have said. I think I would have said "lonely by choice". It is a hard thing to say about anyone but in this case it would be true. He chose to be lonely. 

There was no standing around and chatting afterwards but as I was about to go his daughter suddenly hugged me tightly.  He did not need to be lonely and I suspect they tried harder than he ever admitted.