I filled out a form

yesterday. I just love filling out forms - perhaps.
Name? Oh, I suppose you need that if you want to get back to me...but you probably won't get it right when you do respond.
Sex? A friend of mine is inclined to write "yes please" but I won't do that. I find that response as objectionable as the question. I will ignore that question. It is irrelevant to the rest of the information on the form.
Date of birth? Also irrelevant. Ignore. Age? You just asked.
Address? You won't take a box number? Why not?
E-mail address? Will you spam me? Which one of my e-mail addresses has the best filter for that sort of thing?
Phone number? Well yes, on this occasion you need it I suppose.
Mobile number? I don't know what it is. I never phone myself and the mobile (which I have ungraciously accepted is needed for the safety of the Sr Cat rather than myself) is for emergencies only.
Have I contacted you before? No. (If I had why would you need all this information again?)
The account number? If I had one and you asked for that in the first place you would have all the above information in your system would you not?
There were other things as well. Then I filled out the little box stating my business and pressed "next". Nothing happened.
After a moment I was returned to the beginning with a bright red demand that all blanks must be filled in.
I filled in the blanks with nonsense and pressed "next" again. I continued on. Let them believe they are dealing with an MF who is 99.
I just wanted to tell the relevant authority that a very large piece of street tree trunk was blocking access to the home of an elderly man around the corner. He had not been able to get through to them on the 'phone and neither could I.
A couple of hours later there is a phone call. I repeat the information in the little box. The voice at the other end says,
          "Next time phone us. That way we know it is a genuine problem."
          "Next time," I say, "Will someone in your office please answer the phone?"