If your team loses the finals

then, if you happen to be their coach, it is apparently your fault. It has nothing to do with the fact that your team did not play well enough, that they were not skilled enough, that their minds were not on the game, that someone on the team let everyone down... 

No, none of that matters. You are the coach. You were the one who caused the loss. 

Apparently that is now how it is. The coach has to take responsibility. Losing the final is a major blow to fragile egos. It causes mental distress to team supporters. "Sponsors" threaten to withdraw their support. "You were paid to do a job and you didn't do it," they tell the coach.

There is plenty said about this at the highest levels of "sport". Coaching styles get criticised and even ridiculed. There are "inquiries" and "fines" and all sorts of slurs are hurled.

I was foolish enough to believe that this did not happen at local level and that, at school level, it was not an issue at all. Apparently I am wrong. 

Someone I know well enough to loan a book to called in yesterday to pick it up. Her husband was waiting in the car.

"He can sit and go on fuming for a bit longer," she told me.

I raised my eyebrows.

"His team lost."

Yes, his local football team lost. It isn't even a "league" team but it lost and he was not happy.

"J...'s team lost at the school too. You would think it was the end of the world. They are blaming everyone except themselves."

J... is their son. He's a nice kid who plays mostly because the school requires it and his father wants him to play. He is one of those who will cease to play when he is of an age he can suit himself. 

But it was the "they are blaming everyone except themselves" which really got to me. It's the "victim" culture again. "It's not my fault" seems to be the way so many people think.

I put some things in the Handicraft section in the State show. Something I thought was good (and yes, it was good or I would not have entered it) was beaten by something else for a first prize. The judge was absolutely right. The prizewinning garment was better than mine. I came second, not first.

I accepted that. It is the judge's decision. It won't stop me from trying again. I am responsible. I am not the "victim" here at all. 

Other people feel differently. There was one woman who had a great deal to say about the fact her "prize winning" item had not won a prize in the Show. It had been shown elsewhere and won a prize why had it not won a prize, indeed the first prize, here?  We were left in no doubt that she was a victim here. She left saying she would never put in anything again. I rather hope she doesn't. Her work is not that good. It may be good enough for a small rural Show where there are no other entries in that class but it will be up against some competition at a state wide event.

Winning should not be everything. You can learn from losing as well. My profoundly deaf friend M... put a crochet hat in last year. It came second. I told her what my friend W... (who judges at another show) said about it. M... took it on board. She made another hat using the same technique but different colours and with the suggested improvement.  It came first.  If I tried to explain what I have written here to M... I am sure she would agree she was not a victim last year. She used the experience to turn herself into a winner instead.