I have been inside a prison.

I went to visit one when I was doing my teacher training. It was a visit arranged by the person in charge of the "special education" group. We also went to what would once have been called a Borstal or a custodial youth training facility.

The prison disturbed me deeply but not as deeply as the youth facility. The idea that you are locked away, unable to escape, unable to choose what you eat and who you can speak to while every moment of your life is controlled by people who do not have your best interests at heart was, and remains, frightening. I cannot help wondering if those who are released early into "home detention" realise how fortunate they are. Probably not. If they did the vast majority of them might never have gone to prison in the first place.

But what if you were born into a sort of prison? I thought of this again on Saturday because I met a female member of a cult like religion in the chemist. I had not seen her for several years, indeed thought her family might have been moved at the whim of their "leader".

When she saw me her first reaction was to look around to see who else was present. There were apparently no other "brethren" present because then she spoke quietly to me.  We quickly caught up on my news. Her sympathy on learning of the Senior Cat's death was genuine, a quick touch of my arm included in it. She was pleased I had somewhere else to live. It was the sort of casual conversation I might have had with any casual acquaintance until she told me her news.

It was told with difficulty. I know her husband. He is a very controlling man, controlling even within that group. Her children? Did I dare ask or would they no longer be able to be mentioned? I asked. "They are...they have..."

She could not bring the words out. All three children have left the cult. I thought they might. The eldest boy was ready to leave when I first knew him.  He simply walked out of his place of employment in a firm belonging to a cult member when they refused to let him marry the girl of his choice. She left too. I have no idea what has happened to them but I hope they are as happy as they can be. The second boy was still at school. He apparently left on his final day at school. He knew what was waiting for him.

Their younger brother obviously tried harder to stay but it became too much in the end. His mother thinks he is somewhere in another country altogether "because N... had a card...to say he was safe." She meant her neighbour had been sent a postcard. N... would have told her this over the back fence when she was sure this woman's husband was out. They are not supposed to speak to one another. 

I remember the first born telling me that living at home was like living in a prison. According to him everything they did was controlled. They had no books apart from those deemed essential for school and their religious books. There was no television or any other form of entertainment. It must have been a soulless sort of existence without any form of celebration at all. 

It is little wonder that the cult now has a separate school and that they are trying to restrict contact with the outside world more and more. A conversation, however brief, with me is against the rules but this woman was almost desperate for someone to know what had happened. Her children no longer exist for the cult members. They are never mentioned. It is as if they have never been born. She is held to be the one responsible for their departure. Proper parenting should have prevented this. It was her responsibility. Her husband was deemed too busy running his business. It is a very successful business and they have no financial worries. Despite the departure of his children their father is still a very active senior member of the cult. He is not at fault. His wife is at fault.

I wonder what would happen if this woman was released from her prison? Would she have any idea how to live outside it? 

We parted knowing I cannot invite her in for a cup of tea and she cannot do the same for me. There is not even any form of home detention for her. I doubt she would know how to handle it. How can she forget giving birth to three children and then losing them?