So clumsy you "walk into walls"?

There is a case before our courts at present in which a mother is accused of both neglecting and harming her daughter. The daughter committed suicide. At her death she weighed a little over half of what a healthy child of that age would weigh.

Her mother claims that the bruising shown in the evidence being presented was due to her daughter being so clumsy she would walk into walls. She also claims that her daughter liked sleeping in the cold in the laundry and that she was a fussy eater. These claims are being made in order to cover the fact that the child was sleeping there and that the lunches she was taking to school were highly inadequate - if she took any at all. 

I have no idea how the case will end but, at a meeting yesterday, someone asked me, "Why didn't the girl tell someone what was happening?"

I think this person was genuinely puzzled but I do not find it hard to understand at all. I once taught a child whose father often hit him. He had bruises sometimes. I queried the bruises. The head of the school queried it. We spoke to his mother as well. What happened? Nothing. His mother was clearly frightened by the idea of anything being said. The boy in question did not want us to do anything. He was willing to put up with the abuse in order to go on staying at home. I can remember him telling me, "It's all right. My dad loves me really."

Looking back I believe he was terrified that something worse might happen to him. He almost certainly believed he would be taken away from his parents if he said anything. I also think he genuinely believed his father loved him. He needed to believe it. Believing it made his life "normal". The need for "love" was more important than the beatings. Perhaps his father also believed he loved his son. He was a policeman and well known in the district for his willingness to prosecute wrong doers. 

This is surely like women and, rarely, men putting up with an abusive relationship? To believe it is not their fault is just too difficult.  Children are even more vulnerable than adults when this sort of thing occurs. The girl who committed suicide must have seen this as the only way out. Others are going to be asking "Why didn't she say more than she did?" They will blame themselves.

If I had a child who was so clumsy they were bruising themselves by walking into walls I hope I would make an appointment with a doctor, an urgent appointment. If I was that child's teacher I hope I would insist on the same. When I taught that boy corporal punishment was still legal and often used. It is no longer the case. But is life really any different for a child now? They would still be afraid of losing more than they believe they would gain.  

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