So it is not a "Great job"

anymore?

I have to confess that those "great job" words irritate me. I hear them far too often. It seems to me that parents are constantly telling their children that. They are saying it for actions and achievements I would have thought were...well let me say just average and what I would expect of a child of that age in those circumstances. 

Apparently now it is actually the wrong thing to say to a child too... according to the "experts". Apparently it "makes them dependent on your affirmation rather than their own motivation".  In other words it makes them do it to please you rather than because they want to. Really? 

If ceasing to say "great job" will motivate children then someone has found the solution to getting them to do what they need to do. It will be wonderful...but it won't be because the world does not work like that.

Everyone needs a little praise and encouragement at times. It is where, when and how that is done which matters. I don't think "great job" does it. I also do not believe that giving everyone a prize and making sure they are "included" on an "equal" basis is the answer to social ills. 

Many years ago I said "that's good" to one of my young students in the classroom. I was met with a furious, "No, it isn't!" My intended praise was not acceptable. He was genuinely upset.

I kept him back for a moment at recess time and told him his response had not been polite. I also told him that what I actually meant was he had improved - and he had. He looked at me for a moment and then said, "Sorry...but we do know who's top miss." He was right and I accepted it. Then he gave me a lop sided smile and rushed off before I could say any more. 

Yes, of course they know. All the "inclusion" or the "diversity" and "equity" training we fling at them, and even at adults, is probably nothing more than an attempt to paper over our differences. We do notice differences. They do exist. It is how we react to them that matters.