Mental health came under discussion

again yesterday - and no, it was nothing to do with my blog post. I had a phone call mid-morning and someone asked,

   "Cat, have you got a moment - may I come round and see you? There's a bit of a problem and you know about them."

The caller would not say anything else on the phone but arrived a few minutes later. I put the kettle on as she had not even had breakfast and let her talk. 

    "It's the ..... " she told me and named a religious sect with which I am familiar.

That was enough to set of alarm bells. I am all too well aware of what they can be like. My contact with members of the sect has always been limited. Most people have no social contact at all. It isn't encouraged. The men do most of the business. The women are not supposed to talk to anyone except for absolutely essential purposes. The children are isolated from other children. 

Problems arise with neighbours because they try to keep an extraordinary degree of separation between themselves and everyone else.  Fences, trees, animals, music all cause issues. 

And there is the issue of domestic violence. More than once this year I have wondered about domestic violence in relation to this group. Domestic violence is common, more common than it is  in the rest of the community. It isn't recognised as such. It is accepted as part of their beliefs. The male members of the community have control over everything. They control the purse strings - women do not go back to work after marrying. (Before that they may only work for other members of the group.) The women have no money of their own. Some of the men go as far as to scrutinise every cent spent. They handle things in ways that most people would see as mental cruelty. For them it is the way they see their "God" as telling them to behave. Trying to get them to see otherwise is not something I have ever attempted. I wouldn't. 

But if someone wants to leave the group then I will support them. They will need support. It means leaving everything. It means no more contact with family and friends in the group. You are "dead". You are not spoken about again. 

And yes, someone this woman's daughter knows wants to leave the group. This woman is concerned about her daughter getting involved and helping in any way. 

"A.... says it will be all right but what if they come after her for helping?"

We talked about it. I told her what I knew. I told her of my own experiences with the group and the two teens I knew who had left. 

"I'll email J.... and ask him to talk to you as well," I told her, "He knows ex-members of the group here. They will help."

I tried to explain how big a decision it is, how traumatic it is, how much help someone needs in order to find a place in the world. How successful I was I am not sure. It  is so hard to comprehend.

But this morning there was, as I knew there would be, an email from J... It might have been Sunday yesterday but he was on the phone. He had called members of the group. A young woman is leaving the group. She says there are two young men leaving as well. They all need help - help from neighbours. 

And they need more than practical help. They need psychological help. They need help with their mental health and well being. Even the simple act of accepting a cup of coffee in the home of a non-group member is going to be an issue for them. 

I've tried explaining this but it takes imagination. Caring for the mental health of ourselves and others means trying to be empathetic. That's hard and I don't always get it right by any means but I hope those trying to help the young woman and the two young men can do it. They are going to need a lot of help.