The Dean thumped the table. He had tried before and nobody had taken any notice of him. He had claimed to be allergic to the wretched things but they had humiliated him. He still wanted to know who had hidden two of the little demons in the pulpit before he had begun his sermon one Sunday. They had apparently known just the right moment to jump out so his lie could be seen in front of the entire congregation. Even the two known ailurophobes had sided against him.
"They are God's creatures too," old Brother Philip told him quietly.
"God did not intend them to come into a place of worship!" the Dean snarled.
"They keep this place clean," Brother Mark said.
"Those cats don't do any cleaning. If we need more volunteers to clean then I will call for more volunteers."
The Verger thought of the stained glass windows. He was not climbing up there to clean. Brother John thought of the dust which would gather under the pews and make everyone sneeze. Brother Andrew thought of the gutters which would fill with leaves and Brother Simon thought of accidents caused by other careless humans climbing ladders. Tom, the organist, thought of all that and the organ pipes and the mice who needed the cats to help to clean them. Was the Dean even aware of the mice? They got on so well with the cats. Brother Mark thought of all those things and the precious library books and how much he depended on Decani's expert help in caring for them.
"The cats have to go. If you have a cat you will find somewhere else for it by the end of the week or I will have it caught and put down," the Dean told them. He held his hand up to halt any disagreements. "I am not opening this to discussion. The matter is settled.
"And your dog?" Brother Anselm asked. He loved all animals even the bad tempered dog belonging to the Dean.
"Don't be ridiculous. Bosco does not enter this place. I have him under my complete control."
That was a ridiculous statement but those present at the meeting were too upset to take issue with the Dean. He looked at his watch, gathered his things together and walked out.
"He can't do this!"
"How can we get him to change his mind?"
"We need them."
"Has the Bishop heard about this?" (The Bishop was supposedly on some much needed leave but seemed to be visiting churches anyway. They all thought it was just like the Dean to try this again while the Bishop was away.)
Brother Mark went back into the library. One look at Decani told him the little cat had heard everything. He always thought the little cat understood everything.
"Oh little one, I need you! How can the Dean be so foolish?"
But it seemed the Dean would have his way. Reminder notices went out. The Dean went around each morning reminding people of the need for the cats to be gone by the end of the week. It did not matter to him in the least that he was unpopular. He just kept reminding him that it was their Christian duty to obey.
Bach went to meetings too, meetings of the cats. He even went to talk to Bosco. Bosco thought life would be very dull without the cats. Bach growled and grumped his way around the cathedral and the close houses. He consulted Cadenza about the removal of yet another litter of new kittens. He sent Matins and Vespers further afield to make sure that all the cats immediately outside the cathedral close knew what was going on. He sent Constanzia and Cantori on various errands together.
Decani and Mouse, who was Tom's cat, and the Head Mouse made plans. Bach left them to it. They would have the move organised. Decani reported in morning, noon and night.
The cats had left the cathedral once before. Now they were reminded of how to do it again, of the importance of keeping together, of keeping quiet. They were told of the importance of being on their very best behaviour because, this time, their homes and their tuna depended on it. Now, for the second time, the cats left the cathedral at night. It was strange the way every cat flap had been left open that night. Anyone watching would have seen very little as the cats left in two lines. None of them made a sound.
Next morning the Dean was delighted. There was not a cat in sight. He ignored the silent looks of disapproval as he inspected everything. There was nothing anywhere to suggest there had ever been a cat anywhere in the cathedral or the close. All the banana boxes used as cat beds had gone. There had been a recycling collection that morning and he assumed the beds had gone with the other rubbish. Tom and Lizzie had moved those while the Dean was at the meeting after Matins.
The next week was quiet apart from the fact the choir boys did not seem to be able to sing in tune. The choirmaster said he thought they "might be coming down with something".
"They can't all go down with something. There is the special thanksgiving service on Sunday," the Dean told him furiously. He had organised it but the reasons for it were rather vague. The choirmaster and Tom looked at each other but said nothing.
At Evensong on Tuesday the Dean saw some leaves on the floor of the narthex. The hymn books were not as tidy on the shelves as usual. He ordered both things to be dealt with but, although he had seen it done, the problems returned on Wednesday.
On Thursday there was a dust storm. The usually glistening windows of the cathedral were covered in fine brown dust. It seemed the excavations for a new building had not been kept sprayed as required. The Dean complained but the building site manager and the Mayor told him there was "nothing much to be done about it now". Nobody was available to clean the windows. It needed special equipment. Again nobody mentioned the cats could have done this without any special equipment and their Sunday tuna for a year would cost less.
On Friday the Dean was aware the altar rail had been polished by the Brass Cleaning group but somehow it did not look right. Nobody mentioned how the cats finished that task. He looked at the flowers. They had just been put into the big vases with no thought to their usual fine arrangements. The Flower Team was apologetic but they did not have time to do it. They did not mention the help they always had from the cats.
On Saturday the Dean went to the vestry to see all the necessary garments had been cleaned and laundered as he had ordered. There was nobody there. The choirboys ruffs and surplices were nowhere to be seen. His own items hung crookedly on a hanger. He straightened them and went into the cathedral feeling extremely put out.
The choirboys were supposed to be having a last rehearsal. The Dean was not particularly musical but even to him they sounded dreadful. There was definitely something wrong with the organ too. Everyone stopped when the Dean arrived.
"Just what is going on here?" he demanded. "Your singing is appalling and just what is wrong with the organ?"
The choir boys just stood there. It was very difficult but they all managed not to look guilty and not to smirk. They had actually had to work quite hard to sound so dreadful. The choirmaster just shrugged and said, "Everyone has an off day now and then."
"They have been off all week and so have you. As for the organ, what is going on?"
"The pipes need cleaning," Tom told him but did not mention the paper the mice had stuffed inside some of the pipes.
"Then get them cleaned and do it before tomorrow."
"That's not possible. It's a specialist job. Getting the cleaners in will take time and it will cost a great deal."
The Dean glared at him. "Let me know the cost but get it done." He turned to the choirboys, "And don't let me have any more of these off days or there will be no Christmas party."
The choirboys just went on standing there. They were not concerned. It was the Bishop who organised the Christmas party. Cadenza and Bach and any new kittens always lived with the Bishop and his wife.
The Dean went off and dictated a great many letters at top speed. Most of them made very little sense. He was too upset. His Secretary decided to ignore most of what he had said. She had an important message to send anyway.
Meanwhile the cats were having a wonderful time. They worked very hard for Tom and Lizzie in the mornings. All Tom's music notes had to be cleaned and put back in their right places. They untangled a lot of knitting wool for Lizzie to make new socks for Tom cleaned the leaves of the Leaf Music tree. Tom taught them a new purring carol too and a couple of songs he had adapted for purrs. In the afternoons they would play hide and seek all over the house or soccer with their miniature balls out in the garden. Bach watched them and occasionally hit the ball back. The newest litter of kittens spent most of their time asleep in a box in the kitchen where Cadenza and Lizzie could watch them but Mouse, helped by Matins and Vespers and Cantori, taught the next litter up to climb the Leaf Music tree. The tree did not seem to mind and it was good training for climbing up the cathedral windows.
Yes, they knew they would be going back. The Dean's Secretary, who was also the Bishop's Secretary, had sent off a message, "Chaos without cats."
A response had come back almost immediately, "Calm with cats."
Everyone except the Dean knew about that.