Is being "shy" such a bad thing?

I was a "shy" child. I hid behind books. In the "adventure" stories I read I could be all the things I was not in "real life". I had no shortage of imagination and I was, I think, as happy as I could be in the circumstances in which I found myself.

I was not an "isolate". I had "friends" at school - at least the other children talked to me. I was chosen to be on teams when there was any sort of classroom work to be done. I did not expect to be on any sort of team in the playground but I was sometimes kindly told I could do things like "hold the rope" when "skippy" with the "long rope" was being played or watch to make sure that people did not go "outside the lines" when playing "hopscotch".  I did not get into trouble for "talking/whispering in class" either. 

But if there was a large event at school I did not want to be there. I did not like crowds. I still do not like crowds. I did not want to go to the houses of other children. My mother did not like any of us to go to birthday parties or other social events. This was almost certainly because she would have felt impelled to return the invitations. She might have been a teacher but she did not really like children, especially outside of school hours. There would be some other event that prevented our attendance at such things. I can remember handing over more than one "present" at school because I could not go to the birthday party of the child who had invited me. Mum said it was "polite".

I still find it difficult, very difficult, to go somewhere if I do not know anyone. Even going somewhere with someone else is difficult unless I trust them - and I do not trust people easily. 

Middle Cat and I are going on holiday in September. I know that there will be occasions on which I will feel embarrassed because she will "talk to anyone". She is not at all "shy". I will say "hello". I will sometimes have a brief conversation with someone on the train. I know it is almost certain that at the end of their journey or mine that will be the end of the interaction. It is fine with me. I have met some very interesting people that way. 

And yes, I have friends. Someone commented that I had very few "friends" on Facebook. The people I "know" there are people I have actually met or have had other interaction with and with whom I want to maintain a relationship. I actually know (and have worked with) someone who has hundreds of "friends" on Facebook. She also has what she calls "real friends" - a handful of people with whom she feels comfortable. 

All this surprises some people when they learn the way I feel. "But you wrote all those letters" and "you volunteer at..." and "when you were the guild's librarian you were always available to help".  Writing letters can be done at a distance. I know the people I volunteer with but the first year I did it was genuinely frightening".  As "librarian" I was in my comfort zone I suppose. I knew the books. I had spent hundreds of hours familiarising myself with the contents and I wanted other people to feel comfortable about their knitting. 

I make myself talk to people. I have volunteered at information stalls and worked for my friend P... at craft fairs but going into a room full of people I do not know is outside my comfort zone. If I can avoid it I will. Perhaps this means I am "shy" and "unsociable" but is it really such a bad thing? 

Now it seems that "shy" children need to have "therapy" to overcome their "shyness". Yes, there are children who have a serious degree of "social anxiety" and they may well need some help and support. I am less sure about children who are perhaps naturally "quiet". They do exist and perhaps their need to be quiet should be respected. If the report in this morning's paper is correct however then "shyness" might soon be added to the list of unacceptable differences among us.