Thursday, 18 September 2014

I have been pondering "hell

on earth". How to describe it?
I had to go to the bank for my friend yesterday. We have sold her little "unit" in order to help pay for the nursing home fees. "Settlement" (the final payment) occurred last Friday but it takes the bank three days to clear a transfer of that size. The money went into a non-interest bearing workaday account and it had to be transferred into something that will bring in interest but be accessible as there is a loan to be paid back.
There were three possibilities. I wanted her to make the decision between two as the third, the one I knew she wanted, was not possible in her particular circumstances.
I tried to phone my friend. She was not answering the phone. I kept trying. I phoned the main office at the nursing home. They put me through to the "nurses' station" on her wing. Yes, they had heard her phone ringing but said, "She can't reach it. If you wait we will pass it to her."
I thought that was odd. We have set things up so that she can answer the phone whether she is in her bed or in her chair. When I saw her last Thursday she was not well but said she thought she would be fine.
I could hear the nurse who answered the phone saying to her, "It's your friend. She wants to speak to you. No, how do you hold it to your ear?" I thought that was odd and then there was a sort of grunt.
I could get nothing but grunts. I persisted and eventually there was something that might have been a "yes" at the other end. I left it at that. I made the decision I thought was best and went to the bank to deal with the paper work. Then I pedalled off to see what was up with my friend.
Yes, in bed. She was dozing. I woke her as gently as I could. She opened her eyes. There was another of those grunts. She looked at me without another sound. Her eyes were not normal - hysteria or a cerebral episode or a combination of both? I don't know.
I told her what I had done with the transfer. I tried to tell her as if we were having a normal conversation. I don't know whether she took it in or not.
She closed her eyes and I left her. I left her and contemplated hell on earth - not being able to communicate at all.
The Middle Cat and I will go and visit today. She can speak the language of the medical staff and find out what, if anything, they  know. We need to remind them we have guardianship powers - and if my friend is in hell on earth then she needs us to be there for her.


catdownunder said...

About an hour after writing this I had a phone call to say my friend had died in the early hours of the morning. I was, according to the nursing home, the last person to see and speak to her.
Yes, I am sad but I am also genuinely happy that she is not going to live in that hellish state.

Philip C James said...

Can't imagine how you are feeling. That is so sad. She had a true friend in you...