Dear Bank you really

have no idea have you? 

This should be a simple transaction. Here is the bill. We wish to transfer the money I take out of this account to another account in order to pay the bill...and you cannot do it. You cannot do it because the account is with another bank.

This is what you tell me. Your bank is connected to the other bank via Osko but you cannot do it. I can pad over to the other side of the bank and they "might" do it - for a fee. Alternatively you can (please make sure you are sitting down) "write (me) a cheque" for a smaller fee. 

I opted for the cheque as there was no choice. Internet banking will not do this particular transaction so Middle Cat and I will have to wait.

And we wait, and we wait. We wait because the young man behind the counter is on his first day in the job. He has no idea what to do. He cannot even update the details I give him. He does not know how to feed material into the electronic reader. When he fails that test I tell him, "Think of the machine as a person. It reads that sheet in exactly the same way - from left to right and from top to bottom." He looks at me bemused. How do I know so much?"

"Turn the screen around so I can see it," I tell him. He looks fearfully around and the person next to him - dealing with another "complex" issue tells him, "Let her see it. She seems to know what she is doing."

I get him to a point where he can find the money which has been deposited on my card. It means we can make the actual payment. The "teller" next to him now comes to help...but insists on him doing it all himself. They both forget to ask for my "photo ID" and I pass it over telling them, "You need to write this in there or it will not go through."  Oh. The new boy painstakingly fills in the details.

By then I feel old enough to have forgotten the relevant PIN. Middle Cat heaves a sigh. I try to be nice to the new boy. Has he had any training at all? No. 

The cheque gets written. We head over to the other bank - outside the main shopping centre. Middle Cat takes the cheque in and deposits it. 

Back in the car she looks at me and says, "The nice woman in there wanted to know why the other lot had not used Osko."

We would like to know too!