Friday 12 July 2019

Code of conduct?

I was sent a "code  of conduct" yesterday. It came out of a group I belong to and is one of those documents supposed to ensure a "safe" place.
When I joined the group such a thing would not have been necessary. It would not even have been contemplated. The members of the group simply treated one another with respect. That is not to say that they don't treat one another with respect now but, despite occasional differences of opinion, the group twenty years ago didn't need the document.
I suspect "social media" is partly to blame for the change in attitudes - and the way people treat one another. It is much too easy to send something out - like this blog post - without really thinking about what we have said and what sort of impact it might have on other people. 
Are we getting more like that in real life too? 
Recently I politely requested one of the above group did not publicly thank me for something which would embarrass me. She went ahead and did it anyway - in my absence. That does not make it right. It was what might be called "pro forma" thanks. In some ways that actually makes it worse. On telling me what had happened another member said, "That's simply rude. What have we got a code of conduct for if it doesn't apply to everyone?"
And perhaps that's the problem. Do we look on a code of conduct as applying to other people but not to ourselves?  Are good manners and thought for others something which apply only to other people?
The Senior Cat is entirely dependent on other people if he wants to go anywhere. He has friends who take him to church and to a monthly social event. Middle Cat takes him to medical appointments and they might have coffee somewhere after the appointment. Going out at all is an effort - although he likes to do it.
I know that taking him anywhere is a big responsibility and that his friends are not getting any younger either. They tell me, "It gives you a break too." Yes, for a couple of hours I can get things done that I cannot always do while he is around. I know too that, in an emergency, one of them will call in and check if I need it and Middle Cat can't do it. 
    "We don't mind Cat. He's lovely. He always appreciates it."
I can believe that because he appreciates what I do too. He says "thank you" frequently - and he means it every time he says it. 
I wish I was that good about thanking people.

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