Defending myself

is not something I am very good at. I am a cowardly sort of cat. I avoid confrontations. On the whole I am much better at defending other people than myself.

Someone I "know" in the sense that we communicate on the internet (and yes, we would have "coffee" together if she wasn't on the other side of the world) has said I come over as being"assertive" to her. I found that interesting because people who know me here would say I am not in the least bit assertive.

I dislike being the centre of attention. It was yet another reason to avoid things like graduation ceremonies. (There were others too - I'd had enough of lectures in the end and have avoided most such things ever since.) I avoid celebrating my birthday and having my photo taken. I don't like getting up and speaking in meetings or delivering lectures but I will do those things when necessary.

There are people who say that teachers also need to be actors because you are "performing" in front of your students. Perhaps you are and perhaps that is why I always feel anxious about doing any teaching. That may be a good thing because it makes me prepare what I need to teach. 

I am happier working one-to-one with people. In a way that is more demanding but, contradictorily, I also find that less stressful. S... will be here shortly to get some more help. I wasn't intending to see this young teen again but he contacted me yesterday and actually asked if I could help with something I know is worrying him at school. That's a huge turn around from his behaviour even three months ago and I am not going to knock him back.

This morning however I will need to spend the rest of my blogging time starting work on starting to write something to defend myself.

Wish me luck please. I may need it.