Thursday 9 September 2021

It is my very sad responsibility

to let all of you who are regular readers of this blog know that the wonderful child I called "Ms W" or "the Whirlwind" left us yesterday. It was totally unexpected. It was very sudden. 

I am not thinking too clearly at the moment. She was absolutely fine over the weekend. She came rushing in on Sunday morning asking me how to do something before going to cook her father a special "Father's Day" lunch - and complaining cheerfully about the amount of homework she had been given.

On Tuesday morning she went to "Matron" at school and, according to A..., told her she "felt a bit funny" before collapsing in front of her. She was rushed to hospital but died yesterday afternoon with her father at her side. I was not allowed to go in as I am not considered to be legally "family".  Despite that a member of the staff phoned me and actually arranged for her husband to come and pick me up. I will always be grateful for that because it meant I could be there for her father as he left ICU and make the call to his senior. His senior is taking matters from there, another thing I am grateful for because it isn't something I could handle well. C.... wants me there later today but I am trying to give him space this morning.

Ms W - I can think of her no other way - was a wonderful, funny and caring child. In so many ways she was wise beyond her years. She tried so hard to take her mother's place, even when she was very young. It was so important to her that she learned to cook - "so that my Dad will eat proper meals" - and to look after  the house - "because my Dad forgets things like doing the washing". She was at the top of her class at school and worked hard to stay there. She was popular at school and much of that had to do with the fact that she never minded helping someone else and could be relied on to do it well. 

Her dreams and plans included studying languages "because you have to be able to talk to people who don't speak English" and travelling "when my Dad and I can go away again". She desperately wanted to go to England and actually meet a friend who has written a number of books for teenagers. N...included something she had written in one of them and she was so proud of that, and proud of the fact that N..., "a real writer", had always answered her emails. She wanted to meet R..., the retired professor of Spanish, who supported her desire to study languages and sent her so many silly jokes that she loved to share at school and elsewhere. 

I wrote books for her, more than one. She shared them among her peer group at school. They wanted more and I loved her for that as for so many other things. There is a half-made cardigan here for her that she will never wear. I can hear her saying, "Give it to someone who needs it" but it is going to be difficult to finish it. I will, although perhaps not just yet. I will because she was generous and displayed the sort of unconditional love of so many that few  of us can aspire to.

I don't want to go into her room at home. I want to shut the door and leave it just as it is. I want her to be here, for herself, for her father and for everyone who knew her.

No, she wasn't perfect - nobody is - but she tried very hard "not to be a horrible teenager".  Ms W was anything but that.  I'll miss you my Whirlwind. 

12 comments:

kayT said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Getting to know Ms W through your blog leaves me feeling I have lost a friend and I can only imagine how much harder it is for those of you who knew her in real life. Truly a tragedy. Thank you for letting us know.

Frances said...

Quite shocking and tragic. Deep sadness for you.

gemma said...

That’s so sad, Cat I’m sorry for your loss, and for her father’s loss. She always sounded so engaged and interested. The world will be a poorer place for her loss.

jeanfromcornwall said...

I'm so sorry. There is nothing to say that will help with that raw feeling. Thanks to you, there are a lot of people who will be mourning, who had never met her, and never would. Your loss, and a loss to the world.

Nicola Morgan said...

I've been shocked since you told me this horrible news yesterday. I've been re-reading my email correspondences with the amazing Whirlwind. She was a very special human. I can't imagine how you and her friends and her bereft father are feeling. The world most needs people like MsW and this is a truly dreadful loss. Nicola xx

Anonymous said...

so sorry - take care, Kate

Anonymous said...

Such a shock! Through you, she has been part of so many people’s lives, and we will miss reading about her. How much greater the loss for those who knew her. Thinking of you.

LMcC

Allison said...

Oh, Cat. My heart goes out to you and her father. She will be missed around the world.

Katherine Langrish said...

Deeply sorry, Cat.

Gene said...

Devastating news. Ms.W was such a fine example of young womanhood. She held such promise for the future. I can’t imagine the loss to you and her family and to your readers and the world at large.
Genie

Jodiebodie said...

Oh Cat! I'm so sorry for your loss of the amazing 'Whirlwind' and the future she was creating for herself. A tragic loss to those close to her and to the world at large. How fragile life is. Many hugs and condolences xxx

catdownunder said...

thank you everyone - and I really do mean it - thank you.