Being in isolation

has always seemed to me to be a dreadful thing. 

I don't mind being "alone" but the idea of being "isolated" and "lonely" are rather different. If I am "alone" and I have chosen to be that way then there are generally things that need to be done or that I want to do without interruption. It might be that I simply want the companionship of a book rather than people for a while. This is almost certainly the way it is for everyone. 

I know I don't seek company out in the way some people do. I don't engage people in unnecessary conversation simply for the sake of having someone with whom I can talk. It is very rare for me to "have coffee" with someone in the shopping centre unless it is planned beforehand. It is equally rare for me to visit them unannounced. If I do then it is usually because there is something I need to give them.  The "lock down" period we had at the beginning of the worst of the Covid situation did not unduly bother me. Of course I had the Senior Cat at home then but we went about things separately as much as we did together.  I think this is how we managed to live so well together.

But I have been giving this idea of "isolation" a good deal of thought over the past week or so because it has become increasingly obvious how isolated my friend's sister was.   I have been asked to work with her executor (simply the solicitor who has her will) to arrange a funeral, I contacted a male friend she had many years ago.  I met him once he seemed very pleasant. Remarkably I remembered his given name and where he had worked. As he was an academic there was a possibility I might find him still there - and he was. When I saw the surname I was able to recall it as correct.

I contacted him and he has been very helpful. I remembered him as a gentleman and he still comes across that way. It is clear he still had feelings for her although there had been no communication between them for over thirty years. But P... refused to marry him and the relationship broke up. I can see now it is around then P... began to isolate herself. Yes, her father was still alive and she was caring for him - although not living with him as I was with the Senior Cat. I knew her father and he was not a demanding man, indeed kept trying to get her to "do things".  There was something else there though, something that must have caused her to withdraw from the world. We will probably never know what it was but it saddens me to think that someone who was so obviously intelligent became so isolated and uncertain. She never seemed very happy or confident. 

In the way of such things though I think I might suggest we say a little about the good things in her life and leave her neighbours, who have expressed a wish to be there, with something positive. Oddly I will miss her. We were not really friends but, as my friend's sister, I felt responsible.