although I don't think those doing the bullying even realise what they are doing. Is that possible?
My siblings, Middle Cat and Brother Cat, have spent the last three days telling me what to do, what I should be doing, how I should do it, what is going to happen next, and more. By the time Brother Cat went home (halfway across the country) my fur was definitely ruffled.
They mean well but I do not want them to do things like reorganise my desk in my absence "because it will be easier if the printer is here and not there" and "the jam needs to be stored here and not there" and "you should get rid of these...because you never use them".
I might be able to get the printer back into the original position where I can reach it more easily and the marmalade (not jam) can go back to where the Senior Cat can find it. Yes, there are some things we could get rid of but the Senior Cat has an emotional attachment to them because they belonged to his partner. I have in any case removed a great many things belonging to her that we don't use.
BUT (yes, those capitals are necessary) I am NOT going to get rid of any books, particularly my dictionaries.
"You could find all that stuff on line," Brother Cat informed me.
Oh yes, I know. I could. I don't want to.
It is not the way I work. It is actually far more difficult to have six, seven, eight, or more windows open on the computer. It is more difficult to scroll backwards and forwards looking for words, symbols, similes, and checking meanings. If I am using a different alphabet then it becomes even harder.
My siblings understand none of this. Although I have tried to explain they have no idea what I do. They just shake their heads and move on to the idea that "it can all be done on-line".
I wouldn't dream of telling them how to do their jobs. Mind you, Middle Cat is "retired" and only sees people occasionally and Brother Cat's work in IT is something I know very little about. I know I don't know about those things.
So, why do they think they know about mine? Why do they think they know how I should do my job and what tools I need to do it?
I just wish my siblings would think of me as able to handle my own life without their interference.
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9 comments:
ah the well meaning 'sibling' visit! now they are gone put it all back... ;o
Hello Catdownunder
reading through the last 3 weeks of your work - the Eyre Peninsula run in effect:
Yes, you are being bullied.
Stand firm and keep those dictionaries and reference books!
Moving peripherals is the right side of enough.
Hope Senior Cat keeps the material he has an emotional attachment to.
Amen, Sister Cat. Hold on to all your reference books. I, too, hate having 5 or 6 windows open and flipping back and forth. It's not the same. And don't get me started on maps. I love the real ones and they are getting harder and harder to find. Your Sister Cat Up Top
I am the younger sister - I should know my place as, obviously, even as I am nearly (ahem) sixty I still don't know how to do anything properly.
I am so lucky to be an only child. I ended up with all the responsibility, but I would have hated the negotiation if I had had to share it with a sibling.
This is outrageous. You must NOT stand for it. (Now it sounds like I'm bullying you.... oh dear!) Please tell them that you have organised things in your house in a way that works for you and SC and it is not their place to move them or tell you what to do. You would not do that to them. You are an adult, responsible for you own life, things and methods and it is NOTHING to do with them, so could they please respect your autonomy. If you are not really firm now, you might come home one day and find THEY have taken your stuff to the charity shop, so please put your foot down immediately. Perhaps they will read your blog. I hope so. Cat's relatives - please stop distressing my friend; it's cruel.
Your house, your rules.
I am so sorry to hear that your siblings are pushing you to do things they want, rather than what suits you, and then leaving you feeling it was such an intrusion. I am sure if you arrived at their homes and started doing the same they would object, vociferously. There is a fine line between being helpful and bullying.
I had an interesting discussion with my eldest the other day as he and his family were leaving after staying for Easter. He told me he was going to move a bit of furniture in the room they use when they come to stay. I was surprised as he said it just before they left, rather than when they arrived or during their stay.
If they stayed here very frequently I would possibly have agreed but since they live reasonably close, they only stay over now and then and it is more convenient for us the way it is.
It was interesting that he looked surprised when I refused to move it, although I did say that next time they stay I would be happy to do so for the time they are here, if that is easier for them, but in the meantime it is my house and it stays the way I want it.
It was a simple thing and I think he felt he was being helpful, but I felt some of what you are describing. My house, my rules and hands off!
Sending love and hugs to you and senior cat.
Sigh...well at least my internet friends agree with me. I can't put it all back - some of it disappeared while I was out and some of it is impossible but the rest is going back to where it came from.
I am the eldest Catherine but it makes no difference. My entire family sees me as incompetent. (I'm the one with the most academic qualifications and therefore unable to function in the real world. I also need things to be done for me - not.)
Anne - they don't read my blog. They don't even know about it. I have to have some place to let off steam!
Thank you Linda. Even I don't do certain things in this house because, strictly speaking, it is the SC's home. I am just here to look after him and I want it to be the way he wants it. Change, if thought necessary, gets discussed with him!
Everybody: this whole discussion has been good.
Catdownunder:
Good to know that the Senior Cat is respected - obviously in the community from what we have seen here - and at home too. If all his Kittens showed similar respect!
Disappearances and impossibilities - they make a work of literature.
Academic qualifications = unable to function in the real world [for a given value of real - which Sister and Brother Cat may calibrate differently according to their own experiences and perspectives].
Change is often better if and when it is discussed!
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