Monday 22 July 2019

Mealtime discussions

can be lively in this house.
The Senior Cat still takes a lively interest in many things. I am asked, "Did you see the article about...?"  and "What do you think...?" or "Do you know anything about...?"
I don't take this for granted. It is important. I like the way he still thinks about things. Our discussions can range over politics, gardening, literature, theology, food, something one of us is making and much more. 
I was saddened but not surprised to read about the research which apparently shows that a majority of families don't even eat together, let alone discuss things.
As kittens my siblings and I ate with our parents. It was rare for us not to all sit down together. We were expected to do it. Our mother had the meal on the table at a set time. We were expected to be there and eat it then. We even managed to have breakfast together most of the time although that could vary a little.
At breakfast time we were expected to be not silent but fairly quiet. The Senior Cat would listen to the news service on the radio before going across to whichever school we were living next to at the time. We understood that it was important he knew what was going on in the world.
Did we discuss that? Not a lot. There were occasional items which came up that, if we asked questions, would be explained and that was about it. 
My brother and I read the state newspaper from the time we could read it unaided. We didn't read all of it of course but we read things we thought might be interesting. We read more and more of it as we got older and occasionally those things might come up in conversation.
At the evening meal my parents would talk about our school work, about what had happened during the day. The Senior Cat and my brother would discuss things like the canoe and the dinghy they built together. The Senior Cat would talk to me about  a book I had just read. World events didn't get discussed a lot because Middle Cat and the Black Cat were considered too young to hear such things until they were in their teens.
Our mother discussed clothes, cleanliness, household chores,  homework and the like. Looking back I realise that I  had no idea what her political beliefs might be. I had no idea what she might be reading for pleasure either. I knew she sewed - our clothes depended on that. I knew she knitted - being warm in winter depended on that too. We didn't talk about those things until I was an adult. Even then our discussions were confined to "how" something should be done and the roles were often reversed. I would be telling her.  
Even in my teens though we mostly ate together as a family. My mother liked that for the sheer convenience of it. Anything else really didn't suit her. I can remember the one chaotic weekend when we had a writer friend staying with us and someone who had been on the Senior Cat's staff  came to leave his beloved cat with us when he went off  to London to teach. People were coming in and out to see us, the writer and say goodbye to the staff member.  There were multiple meals and multiple pots of tea made - twenty-three meals for various people in the end and probably more potsof tea. My mother didn't like it at all. She liked things to be orderly. Who can blame her? She had a school to run during the week. Weekends were supposed to be quieter! Even though Middle Cat and I did most of the work while Brother Cat and the Senior Cat ferried people to and from the airport and more it was too much for our mother. 
    "Never again!" she told us.
But we still talked over mealtimes...and we talk now. As kittens we were described as being "articulate". The Senior Cat thought it was important that we could talk not just to people but with people. My siblings have brought their children up the same way. What little I have seen of my niece and nephew interstate - the two who have children - they are doing the same.  They say things like, "Put that away. It is time to eat. You can tell me about it instead."
And are their children "articulate" too? They seem to be growing that way. 
I hope so. You can't learn to talk with other people by simply looking at a screen.
 

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