One of the more outspoken journalists

I have the misfortune to have to follow on Twitter complained that our PM was not being respectful of an alleged rape victim because he called her by her given name. He was of the opinion that the PM should be calling her "Ms". 

I responded to that tweet (foolish of me but ...) and suggested that if the said journalist wished to complain about that then he should complain about the "first name culture" in this country.  He has not responded. He probably won't.

As it is I am intensely irritated by some people who use my first name or call me "Ms".  This includes government departments and organisations like banks, insurance agents, and more. That is, people who don't know me and have never met me and probably never will meet me. (Humans who have met me, if I like them, generally know better.)  I don't like a clerk in a government department addressing me as "dear C.... " if they have never met me. Put simply, it is rude. It is not "friendly". It can be intimidating. If you don't know what my preferred title is (and that can depend on the circumstances) then write M/s. That's the correct form. It indicates you don't know whether someone is married or not married or in a relationship or something else - and it respects their right to keep that information to themselves. "Ms" is ugly. It sounds ugly. I am not anyone's "mistress".

I realise all this may be different elsewhere but here that is the way things should work - or rather, did work. I know a lot of people reading this will not agree with me. You are entitled to your opinions but allow me to retain mine please.

When I was a kitten I would never have thought of calling an adult by their given name.  Even the young man with Downs Syndrome was spoken to as "Mr P...." It was a mark of adulthood that you might start to call some people by their given names - at their request. And some people never feel comfortable about given names.  The Senior Cat has students in their 70's who still call him "Mr.... ". They always have and always will because that is what feels right for them.

I call my doctor and my dentist by their given names. We sorted that out between us. At university I called some staff by their given names and others by their titles. It depended on what they asked me to do. At the same time I might refer to them differently when talking to a student who was not on the same name-length.  It took some juggling at times but it was also a matter of respect. We had one high ranking and well respected Professor who called all students by the titles on their application forms. You might be Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms, Dr or Fr. (We had all of those in one of his classes. If there had been a nun then no doubt she would have been Sr.) In private, at his request, I called him by his given name but I would never have done that in public.

His way of doing things was a way of teaching us about what to expect in court. In a court room there are very definite rules about who is called what, who speaks when and so on. There are good reasons for this.

And there are good reasons for children in school not to refer to their teachers by their given names. As a teenager I did call some of my teachers by their given names outside school. They were in and out of our house all the time. They had meals with us.  I knew far more about them than any child should and there were times when they talked to me if my parents were not available to listen. I hope I never broke a confidence. I tried not to. It was a matter of mutual respect. It isn't the same when a teacher cheerfully tells the students, "I'm Jo/e and we are here to have a good time together." 

I don't know whether the Prime Minister was right or wrong in calling the alleged victim by her given name. That's for them to sort out but please don't make assumptions about other people.