Loneliness can kill

according to an article I have just read. It was in the paper this morning - one of those "pop psychology" pieces that journalists like to produce from time to time.

Behind it though there is some serious research about the physical effects of loneliness - and also about the increasing amount of loneliness. Loneliness you ask? Yes, loneliness. In a world where it is seemingly ever increasingly easy to "connect" people are becoming more and more lonely.

Some time ago I was talking to the grown son of neighbours. He was reminiscing how he and his friends organised their social activities when he was at high school. It mostly happened at school. Plans were made. You met your friends at a certain place and at a certain time. If someone didn't turn up then that was it. One of the group might make a quick phone call later to check but you went off on your planned activity as a group. 

I remember my siblings doing similar things from an even earlier time. I didn't because I was not as mobile as they were but I was aware of it. They swung on to push bikes, buses, trains and the tram without really thinking about it. In summer they headed for the beach or a hike in the hills behind us. They played cricket and softball, tennis and volleyball. My brother was involved in musicals. Middle Cat painted sets for the same sort of thing. Occasionally they went to a film or, even more rarely, a concert. There were no "clubs". The drinking age was twenty-one, not eighteen as it is now. Of course there was underage drinking but not to the extent there is now. Most of them had almost no money. Very few of them had cars. 

All that has changed. A night out now will often mean going to a "nightclub" of some sort. There will be "live music"  perhaps - and alcohol. There will be drugs - many more than the marijuana that was not so readily available when I was in my teens. More teens have their own cars. They can vote now at eighteen.

Watching them, talking to them I wonder whether they are really in a good place. Many of them seem isolated, even when they are in the middle of a crowd. Those who play sport well enough to be in teams seem to be in a slightly better place - but only just. Friendships might last at least as long as you are a valued member of the team, seen as someone to contribute to "wins" rather than "losses".  A few friendships will last beyond that. 

My younger neighbours tell me that their "friends" tend to be the parents of the children their own children are friendly with at school. There isn't "time" for anything else. Perhaps that is part of the problem. 

Workplaces are not venues for real friendship, nor should they be. It used to be church on Sundays, Sunday school, the youth group, men's fellowship, women's church guilds and more. That ceased when other Sunday activities - many requiring far less effort - became available. 

Friendship has to be worked at. It doesn't "just happen". Perhaps it is time we started to re-evaluate what friendship is and how it can begin, grow and be maintained. It might not solve loneliness but I suspect it might help reduce it.