Saturday 2 June 2018

"How old do you have to be to leave home?"

The question set alarm bells ringing.
Ms W had come in with one of her friends. They were looking very serious, indeed upset.
I gave them the answer. (I won't put it up here because the age you can legally leave home varies.) Then I asked,
     "Is there something wrong?"
They looked at one another. It was one of those, "Can we trust an adult with this?" look on the part of Ms W's friend. Ms W gave her the nod.
     "M... has run away. He didn't come home last night or the night before and...."
She burst into tears.
Fortunately the Senior Cat was out in his shed or she might have been even more embarrassed and upset. We calmed her down enough for her to tell me what had been going on.
     "Dad gets at him all the time. It's not like usual getting at you. It's everything."
      "Can you tell me - without exaggerating?"
Even allowing for some exaggeration there really would seem to be a problem there. It doesn't surprise me. There are two busy professional parents who work long hours in that family. The three children have been under enormous pressure to perform not just well but extremely well. I have heard their parents say things like, "We are working so that you can go to that school and you are going to work as well."
It might sound reasonable to some but this is apparently a constant barrage of comments. 
Her brother is apparently failing under pressure.
"The more Dad gets at him the worse it gets. He tries to do things and he makes a mess of them." 
I say this because Ms W does not like to visit her friend at weekends or have anything to do with her friend's parents. Her friend is a nice, well behaved and definitely suppressed child. She isn't one of Ms W's best friends by any means, more someone she feels needs a bit of support.
I listened. I told her friend what the police would do to help find her brother and I suggested she talk to the counsellor at school because that person could also talk to her parents. That idea was met with extreme reluctance at first but I said,
"It's worrying you too. If you start to fail as well then...."
No, she didn't want that.  Would she like me to tell the counsellor that she wanted to talk?
Again hesitation and Ms W, who had been remarkably silent through all this, said, "It would be easier for you if she did that."
She nodded and said "thank you" and then rushed off home leaving Ms W with me.
I phoned the school and, thankfully, the school counsellor was still there. Yes, she would deal with the situation first thing on Monday morning - even if the boy had been found in the meantime. She had actually been alerted to the problem by someone else but was very pleased that I had backed up the information.
Ms W stood there and looked at me and then asked,
     "When do I have to leave home?"
     "Ask your father," I told her as  she gave me a hug, "Are you doing anything special this weekend?"
     "We're going to the Barossa on Sunday...some work thing but there will be loads of people I like there."
The "loads of people" are likely to be her father's friends and perhaps a few of their children.  Ms W will make sure she has done her school work today. Even if she didn't do it then her father would simply say, "It's your responsibility now. You're old enough."
But not old enough to leave home - or want to do it.
 

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