Saturday, 25 July 2020

I was assaulted yesterday

and I am still feeling very shaken. There was no "battery" involved - "battery" is actual physical touching - but the assault was real and very frightening.
Two days before we had been informed that they were "changing the visiting rules"  as to when and how we could visit the Senior Cat. Fair enough if that is necessary right now although a little strange when we were already complying with what we believed were all the necessary requirements. We took the number we were given to "make an appointment". 
At that point though another alarm bell began to ring because one staff member in the residence had told me, "He will never settle in if you keep visiting." Pointing out that he was there for just two weeks - and now he will be no longer whatever - made no difference. I was already concerned by that attitude.
As the Senior Cat is only booked in for two weeks though we decided to try and cooperate - just as we have tried to cooperate with all the requirements.
I continued to try and  cooperate. As it was my turn to go yesterday. I tried phoning the number the day before. It is a "1800-xxxxx" sort of number and then there are the "press one" and so on numbers for whatever it is you want. That alone is of some concern but again we accepted it. Throughout the day I kept trying the number. I could not get through to "book an appointment". After hours I tried again. Yes, answering machine this time. I left a message and said I would be there to see him sometime the next day, most likely in the afternoon. 
I was rung at 8am and told I could not go unless I gave them a specific time. That really rang alarm bells. I know that when something like this is said it is almost always because, knowing there will be a visitor, the resident will be "ready". In some cases there are issues with staff hovering and, in the worst, there can be chemical restraint so that the resident appears happy and compliant.
There was no reason at all to believe that the Senior Cat had been in anyway "difficult". He is probably one of the least, if not the least, difficult people they have ever come across. It is one of the things that makes people outside the family want to visit him.
The current government regulations, at both state and federal level, do not require "appointments" at all, least of all appointments at a very specific time.
The residence is a very small one. There are only thirty-eight beds in it. Some of them are dementia patients. Middle Cat and I have only seen two visitors in all that time - the man I mentioned  the other day and a woman who arrived yesterday.  The Senior Cat has probably had more visits in a week than some residents get in a year.
My work also makes it very difficult to say that I will be somewhere at a specific time. Yesterday I was waiting on a call from a surgeon and a medical engineer. It was going to be a three way conversation. I needed to be at the computer so I could see what they were talking about. No, I was not going to make a specific time because I could not.
I was told I could not visit.
In the meantime Middle Cat, who deals with the medical issues, was phoned and asked to get a prescription for him. She phoned me and said she would, all being well, pick me up. Mid-afternoon she did just that. We went to the residence. They said we could go no further than the front desk - this after we had filled out the daily form, signed the book and had our temperatures taken. 
If we went any further we were told they would call the police. A very tall male member of staff had appeared by then, one of the two people I would not trust at all. His clothing and personal hygiene leave a considerable amount to be desired.  Middle Cat, much braver than me, said,
    "Call the police then. You asked me to come in with his medication. I am going to see him."
She can move a great deal more quickly than I can of course and she stalked off. The male member of staff was clearly furious. He closed in on me to within no more than ten centimetres.
    "You are going out of here now!" 
He manouvered himself in such a way that I had no choice but to move. As I was less than a metre from the door he managed by simply moving in on me to get me out of the door. I waited outside for Middle Cat- by which time I was in tears. It takes a lot to make me cry but I was feeling frightened - not just for me but for the Senior Cat.
Middle Cat did not come back immediately. A member of staff came out to talk to me. She is young, pleasant and was obviously worried by what had happened. "Can you get him home soon?"
she asked me, "Being here isn't good for him. He's too nice for that."
Then Middle Cat appeared. One of the other staff was equally concerned. She said much the same thing. She is also nice, young and pregnant and "not coming back". 
    "Come on in Cat. They had no right to do that."
I went in but I didn't feel comfortable. I wondered where that male member of staff was and why they had made it so difficult.  The answer was soon obvious. The Senior Cat was sitting in his room - in semi-darkness. I listened to his speech. He seemed vague and uncertain, quite unlike his usual self. But he was alert enough to tell us,
    "They gave me something. They said it was for the bruise."
He does have a bruise on his hip from where he fell but we could not check for any more. It was more than a week ago he had the fall anyway and he had not had anything then.What is more bruises do not need medication that might make you vague or uncertain.
As soon as we can organise some extra help he will be coming home - where he belongs. We will cope somehow. I do not want to go in there again.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

A horrible and distressing experience for you all. Being there cannot be enhancing Senior Cat’s life.

It’s awful to think that many places and experiences would be worse.

I hope things go better for you all soon.

LMcC

Anonymous said...

I hope you have reported this Cat. As you are well aware asault is a criminal offence and that definitely falls within the definition of assault. Their "requirements" are not in keeping with either government regulations or their own guidelines for residents in respite - I checked. You had a legal right to enter the building and visit him. Yes, get him out of there as quickly as you can. You might need respite but this is not respite. Ciaran

helen devries said...

Obviously your first concern is to get your father out of there, but please report this incident, if only in the hope that an investigation may help others in the residence.
Take time to look after yourself...that was a terrible shock.

Jan Jones said...

Oh, how horrible and scary for you
((((hugs))))
Hope you get him home soon and all is well 😊

jeanfromcornwall said...

What is going on in there is criminal. No other word for it. Get him out of there as soon as you can.
But what about the other people who are being held there? Who might be interested in some sort of investigation? It is wicked - no better than the Victorian "baby farming" (starving them).
I would say something to try and soothe you, but I can't manage it at the moment - I am too furious on your behalf.

Kate Lace said...

Oh Lordy. Is there some state authority you could raise your concerns about the home with? It sounds as if there are some serious issues going on there. How awful for you and your family xxx

Linda Strachan said...

So sorry to hear this, how distressing for all of you. Hope you get him hone soon and as the advice on other comments - it should not go unreported. Xxx

Southern Gal said...

BOY did they mess with the WRONG person! Get him out .. which I know you are doing. And what happened in the last few days from the beginning of his stay? Was there a change in management? Its sounds like it.

My heart is with you ... my mother is 86 and is recovering from a hip surgery (one) and luckily one of my four sisters is very well off and does not work and so she is able to stay with her for several months (the surgery was delayed while they had to do extensive dental work first - and then the recovery is going to be longer than they had expected)

we are lucky with that - but my mother is 86 and insists on living alone in a big house in a country town ... she has the $ to be able to pay for people to help her so we cant force her to move near one of us (none of us live in that area - we all left our birth city - this town is a small town near that city).

the stupidity of this situation is that in 2016 there was a flood of the entire area (a huge flood) and she had to stay with that same sister in her state and we all tried to get her to give up the house and buy something where the sister is.... but she refused... so they redid the house and bought all new furniture and fixed up the garden etc... and here were are four years later.

i admire you and have in all the columns i have read of yours thru the years and how you and your sister Middle Cat manage with him... my prayers that you can find a solution and he comes home soon.

southern gal

Judy B said...

Report the incident to any and every authority you can think of, and do what you can to get the extra help required so he can be rescued, and I use the rescued word as I can think of no other word which suits the purpose. My thoughts are with you!

Momkatz said...

How terrible, Cat. Sending virtual hugs your way. I know you and Middle Cat and Brother Cat will figure out how to bring your Dad home as soon as you can. This hasn't been a respite for you, it's been a huge stressor. Praying for all. I agree with everyone else, report these people to as many authorities as you can think of (after your get Senior Cat home and settled). Much love, Big Sister Cat

catdownunder said...

thank you so much all of you. We are still trying to find a way of getting him home safely - have people sleeping here overnight to help if needs be or, if that is not possible, move him somewhere else where there are residents who do not have dementia. He is worried about coming home. The doctor is worried about him coming home, so worried she phoned me today. (I haven't met her but she sounds very pleasant and sensible.)
I have no idea what is going to happen as he is finding it difficult to stand and move around. No, it has not been "respite" for me but it has made us all more aware that something needs to happen.
It might be easier if we didn't love him so much -but I doubt it! Old age is a bastard!

Jodiebodie said...

My goodness! How frightfully upsetting. I hope that you have reported the incident. Personally I would love to know who is running this respite facility. I have an older parent who will, unfortunately, be needing supportive accommodation and I would not like to choose such a facility with those attitudes that you encountered. That sounds like a very disturbing experience for all concerned and I hope that your Senior Cat will be safe and in a more appropriate setting as soon as possible.
I would have thought that in the current conditions there would be support to have extra services in the home environment. Many older people can stay in their own homes with the right support.