Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Sam was supposed to come

yesterday. He didn't. We did not even hear from him. I feel hurt for my father. He has put a lot of time into trying to help Sam with his studies.
Sam has never been prompt. He has slept in. He has forgotten before. This is the first time we have not even heard. I don't think Sam is really interested - except in getting help at the last minute. That is not the sort of help he needs. He just is not doing what needs to be done. He's disorganised. Life around Sam must be chaotic. I know Sam will come looking for help again and Dad will give in and give it. He cannot be tough about such things. He's a kind person.
Life around my sister - the one who lives not too far away - is also chaotic. She was supposed to pick up a little wooden tea chest. Dad has made it for her to take to the people she will be staying with this week. She leaves today. The item is still sitting on the dining room table waiting to be collected. She might rush in at the last minute. This is not something you should rush over. It has taken Dad hours to make. The box is, as always, a little work of art. There are three different sorts of timbers in it. The surface is waxed to perfection. It feels good to hold.
He never says anything. Dad is not like that but I know his feelings are hurt. I feel unhappy for him.
Dad has taught me that, when you say you will do something, you should do it. There has to be a major, catastrophic event before there is an excuse not to do it. This is particularly important if you tell a child you will do something. It makes me careful about what I promise to do and, if I am doubtful, I will say, "I may not be able to do that." Is that good enough? I am not sure.
It is all too easy to construe even a conditional statement as a promise if you want what is on offer.
I tell myself. Do not make promises. Do not even say you might do something. Anticipation is nice but just do things. Let other people have a pleasant surprise. Is this right? I just don't know.


Katy said...

Yes, I think it is right, and very honest too.

The old song says that 'sorry' is the hardest word; I actually think that saying 'no' is harder. Such a short word, so difficult to use when we should - and especially with those close to us.

catdownunder said...

Thanks Katy - and my sister has just turned up and spent about 10 minutes saying all the right things. Dad looks better. I feel better....almost like purring again.

Motheratlarge said...

I too feel hurt for your dad, reading this posting. Glad your sister turned up to make amends.