"He's on the autism spectrum"

a mother told me yesterday.

I was at the library and her child was running around. He had almost knocked me over a moment before but she did nothing to stop him. I raised my eyebrows but she just shrugged and said,

"If I try to stop him he will probably scream the place down."

Oh, that makes it acceptable behaviour? I didn't know her so I was not about to argue with her. Perhaps he is on the autism spectrum but the knowing look he gave me a moment later suggested that he was well aware of what he is doing. He was also well aware that he was not going to be reprimanded for  it. 

I waited until his mother went off to look at the DVD collection and then I stepped in front of the child as he came running back down the shelves I was looking at.

"Are you having a holiday from school?"

He grinned at me and said, "I do all the time. If I don't like it then I don't have to go."  

My response was, "That's a pity. You miss out on all the fun." 

He looked at me as if I was completely mad and ran off - but he did not run anywhere near me again. 

This child must be about six.  He already has the system worked out. If he misbehaves in certain ways then he is going to be suspended. It may well be that he is having problems at school but is really on the autism spectrum.

I know children who have serious issues with school. I know a child with very high intelligence who simply cannot get things down on paper or on a screen. She is extremely frustrated by this. She will throw a tantrum because of it. She wants to do it and, hard as she tries, she cannot do it. Last week she came home from school with a long story she had written. Her new teacher had told her something like, "Wait until I have everyone else started and then I will help you."

Her family have praised her. Her parents emailed it on to me to see. I have praised her. We have all told her, "If you don't throw a tantrum then someone is going to help. You can do it but you have to learn to do it your way."

The school tried to say she was on the autism spectrum. Her parents took her to be assessed.  The assessment said much the same thing but her parents refused to accept this. When their neighbour introduced me several months ago the father told me, "I thought autistic kids weren't able to relate properly to other people. You watch her. She loves to cuddle. She looks us right in the eye. If she isn't frustrated she's a loving and pretty well behaved kid."

I could only agree. They went for another assessment armed with observations her mother had made during the home-school period during lock down. S..... can read - and read above her age level. She can do all her maths in her head but she cannot put it on paper. A second assessment came up with a different diagnosis. She has a specific learning disorder but yes, she can learn. Her new teacher is aware of that and she is trying to accommodate that. S....is much happier at school now. I just hope it continues. At least her parents are aware of the problem now - and they have made it obvious what their expectations are in respect of her behaviour.

But the child in the library isn't getting that sort of help. I don't know whether he is "autistic", whether he has a similar learning disorder, or whether he is simply a very poorly disciplined child.  His mother may need help more than he does. 

Perhaps it is just too easy to say "autism spectrum disorder" or ADHD or some other label and leave it at that? All I can think is that it is not helping the child.