Monday 19 August 2019

Shopping silently

or how to do a supermarket shop without speaking to anyone is the subject of a column in today's paper.  The writer, a now semi-retired columnist, described going into his local supermarket. He did his shopping, used the self-service checkout and spoke to nobody at all. I could do that too - if I bothered to learn how to use the self-service checkout. 
Our local library has self-service checkouts. It is possible to walk in there and speak to nobody.
I went into the "cheap" shop recently. It's a good place to buy things like glue and cheap wrapping paper. The person who served me in there told me she was in danger of losing her job because a "secret shopper" had reported her for not trying to push the stale chocolates on the counter.
I went to the local "untidy" shop - the one which sells everything from manchester to knitting needles and craft items. The woman who served me in there was clearly upset and close to tears. I asked, "Are you okay?"
No, she wasn't. Someone had been incredibly rude to her while she was serving him. He told her to "just shut  the f... up" because he was looking at his phone.  
I don't use the self-service checkouts in the supermarket. Instead I try to know the staff. I do know some of them. I call them by name. I occasionally help the university students who work there. The more permanent staff have told me about their children and grumbled (in a cheerful sort of way) about early starts.  When I am served by one person in particular she will ask, really wanting to know, "How's your dad?"
When I go into the local greengrocer I often get a hug from one of the women. The owner will tell me things like, "Don't bother with those yet Cat but try the...." 
The assistant reported by the "secret shopper" happens to be rather good at her job. A rough diamond? Yes - but she is kind and caring and good with the elderly (of whom there are many).
And when I went back to the  untidy shop the following day to get something for the Senior Cat the same assistant served me. She remembered me from the previous day.
I don't see shopping as a social occasion. I don't particularly like shopping - unless it is for books or yarn. Despite all that I think it is probably a pleasanter experience for me than it is for a lot of people. 
The fishmonger insists on me asking for the fish in Greek. It's a joke between us. I get teased by the boys in the butcher. The boys who work for the greengrocer will give me a wave when they are out and about in the van. The woman who works in one of the dress shops stopped me the other day and told me her mother was about to have an aged care assessment.
How does all this happen when other people can do their entire weekly shop without saying a word to anyone?  I am not particularly friendly or outgoing. I don't like being the centre of attention. I am always nervous about teaching - because I don't want to waste someone else's time. 
I could go on - and I know it might surprise some people who like to think I am a confident, outgoing sort of cat who is absolutely certain people like me. I am not certain about that at all and, in the last three years. my self-confidence has taken another battering that I am still trying to overcome.
But, I know people for one simple reason. I try to be polite. I say "hello" to the people who serve me in a shop. I ask them how they are feeling - and I listen to the answer.  It's not hard to do. It does take a bit of an effort at times but it is worth doing. I've had people about to close their till and go for a break. They have seen me coming and say, "Hello Cat, I'll put you through before I go."  I appreciate that more than I can say.
And at Christmas I'll make them biscuits - just because I want to say "Thank you." 
You have to pay for service with more than money.

3 comments:

jeanfromcornwall said...

The point is, it is all about people - and the ones that are being horrid (or whatever) are laying good foundations for a very lonely old age. We need more than family and "best friends" - it is the little casual connections that make life sweet.

catdownunder said...

How very true!

Jodiebodie said...

When I was very ill and my only weekly outing was with an assistant to do my grocery shopping, that became my social occasion - the only time to have a conversation with another adult. I didn't care if it was about the weather or something more trivial. It's the getting out and making connections that is so important. I am on first name terms with many of the staff and regular customers. We share anecdotes about our lives and share a smile or a laugh when we pass each other in the aisles. It makes everyone's day a little lighter and forges a kinder, safer community.