Saturday 18 April 2020

Domestic violence is on the

increase according to reports -  due to the "lock down", working from home, and the "social distance" restrictions. Two days ago it took a tragic turn here with a particularly violent death occurring. This morning there was a letter in the paper from the former DPP saying he could never understand why it is the victims of domestic violence who get punished. 
The victims are those who are supposed to leave the situation, find shelter somewhere else, watch out for themselves and much more.
When the Senior Cat retired from his work as a school principal he went on to do other things. Several years into retirement he started to do odd jobs for a women's shelter.  It was work he did until he could no longer physically do. He went there for over twenty years and he could never accept the need for such places. It angered him then, as it does now, that such places should be necessary. He also believes that it is the perpetrators of domestic violence who are the ones who should be punished, not the victims.
A short while ago - and I am doing this with the permission of those involved - a mother and son I knew had to move again. The husband and father had, by a very unfortunate quirk, found them although they had new identities and had been relocated. There were two other people who knew their story, myself and a priest. Their few friends here knew that the mother was fleeing from domestic violence but not the full story. A small group of young people, of whom I will be forever proud, provided friendship for her son. They were trusted with the information that he and his mother really were in serious danger. On occasions they did not do things or go to places because it was considered unsafe for him. Did they regret it? No. He was their friend, a member of their tight-knit little group. They would have done anything they could to protect him and his mother.
Now they don't know where he is. He and his mother have had to be moved to another safe location. I can say no more. 
It is an enormous emotional and physical upheaval for mother and son. They should not have to spend their lives looking over their shoulders, worrying about what might happen. The strain on them is obvious. They do not lead normal lives. The male perpetrator in this instance is a very powerful man and, so far, he has been untouchable.
This is one of the most extreme sorts of situation and one of the hardest. As victims  they are the ones being punished.
And it isn't just them. They have had to leave behind four other young people and their families, all of whom gave them the love and support they needed. The young people are, rightly, devastated and finding it hard to comprehend.
No such support came for the woman who died two days ago. Her death was apparently violent. People heard screams for help and did nothing. They were afraid of getting involved - and nobody called the police either. Now children, thankfully apparently not present, are without a mother.  
Right now we need to be even more aware, aware of what can go on behind closed doors. Aware that it is not the victims who should be held responsible but the perpetrators.

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