Sunday, 24 May 2009

"They have found a spot

on Nick's lung." Selfishly I wished I had at least been sitting down when Betty 'phoned to let us know.
Nick is Dad's godson. He's an identical twin. He had major surgery for a carcinoma two years ago. He has a prosthesis in his upper arm as a result. Everyone thought he was doing well but apparently this spot was first seen twelve months ago - and nothing was done about it. I wonder about this. Nick had a rough time, far rougher than most people were aware of. It is something to do with being an identical twin as well as all the other factors. It has been rough on his twin as well. Tim would lie on the bed next to him. Neither of them would say anything. It was enough to be there with each other. Even Donna, Nick's partner, is not as close as Tim. Nobody can be as close as Tim. Did Tim know about the spot twelve months ago? Did they make a mutual decision that enough was enough at the time? It has grown now to about a centimetre in size. I don't think Nick wants more chemo. It's too debilitating, too exhausting and the outcome is too uncertain. He's been through it once. He's seen his brother Chris go through it as well.
I feel so damn useless. Dad is pacing the house. If we still had the car he would have been haring up the hill to hold Betty and let Keith talk and talk. It is one of the few times I wish I could drive so we could physically be there.
Why in the heck does my cousin want to take risks with her kids when this sort of thing happens.
Life is too damn precious and fragile.

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